Perfecting the Perfect Relationship...

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"A woman in love can't be reasonable - or she probably wouldn't be in love..."
- Mae West 

Being home for the last three days, I've been consumed by news and updates of Superstorm Sandy.  Don't forget that there are many, many ways to help!

While trying to get over a bad case of cabin fever, I started to think about relationships.  Now I'm no expert, but I've learned a few things along the way.  In fact, I'm still learning!  If you're finding yourself in a rut, have no fear!  I think I've formulated the recipe for the perfect relationship!  (Ladies, this one's for you...)

And awayyy we go!

• First and foremost, don't call him.  Don't have him call you.  Keep your calls/texts to a minimal.  Hey, you know what?  Don't talk at all.  Just plan a designated time and place for you to meet - maybe once a week or every two weeks.  Mail a letter.  Try to think of a smoke signal system so you can give him as much free time to watch bad television, scratch himself, and do whatever strange behaviors guys like to do.
• Plan every date.  Yes, ladies, remember that I'm talking to you!  Our guys have way too much on their plates to plan anything for us girls.  Why should they spend any time being romantic?  They deserve love, too!  Buy him something he's always wanted while you're at it!  It is 2012 - expecting him to plan a date is plain ol' sexist!
• Always, always, always go to him.  Is that him standing at your doorstep??  With flowers?!?  Is he waiting for you after work??  UGH.  As previously said, your boy is probably so busy that he can't possibly find time to work around his schedule to meet you anywhere.  Don't expect any surprises, either.  After all, who likes to be surprised by the person they love?!?  ICK!!!  What you have going on in your life is not as important.  C'mon girl!
•  Watch everything he likes.  Shark Week, 12-inning baseball games, National Geographic, action or horror movies...you name it!  Not only will you avoid pointless arguments (he'll win anyway) and spend much more time together, but you'll get an education to boot!  Score!
• Whatever you do, agree with him.  This goes for your feelings, weekend plans, trips in the future, your view on politics, your career, his career, marriage, whether he wants kids or not, whatever.  He's always right.  Even when he's wrong...he's always right.  Got it?  Good.
• Never, EVER argue - even when you're hurt by the same things over and over again.  Listen.  Don't express your feelings.  In fact, don't even have them.  Silly things like making you feel like a priority is not what he signed up for.  And WHY do you want to be a priority, missy??  You know as well I do that certain things come first, dear.  Even if you understand his priorities, don't expect any special treatment  - even in the most miniscule way!  Keep that nagging mouth shut, smile and nod.  Your new mantra:  "All is good in the mofo'n hood!"
• Don't expect commitment.  Now, if you've done everything right, you're probably on the serious road to commitment, living happily ever after!  If not, don't expect your guy to commit to you in any way.  He'll be fully justified in stringing you along - he didn't ask you to do any of the above in the first place!  DUH!  I've said it before and I'll say it again:  C'MON, GIRL!
• Last but not least,  DO NOT FOLLOW any of the above.  The best kind of  relationship is fair, balanced and FULL of mutual love and affection.  Of course you'll have some arguments along the way, but the right guy will make you feel like a million bucks regardless of your flaws (hopefully, you've accepted his as well!  Okay, worked with them... =)  And if that's too "fairytale" for him, remember that you deserve to be loved...completely.

xoxo andrea