Redemption

source: a. singh, 2010

"Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors,
and let each new year find you a better man..." - Benjamin Franklin

As most people do at the cusp of the pending year, I tend to think about the last twelve months - how much I've changed, how much I've lost and how much I've gained. This year, I remember how much I've given in love, received in love and all that I've gotten in return.

I'll just be honest, my 2011 seemed to be filled with complete loss. I've lost grip with the familiar - lifelong friends, loved ones, my job - and there were times when the world looked like it was determined to press itself against me. I wondered why people did the things they did and I felt as though there was no one I could trust. When I vented my frustrations, I realize that I went into victim mode, and in turn, this transformed into guilt.

I thought I'd always look at this year as one that I'd like to put behind me. But now, with two days left in 2011, I realize that while I've lost my faith in some people and circumstances, I've simultaneously learned so much about myself in return. I've learned how resilient I really am and how well I can bounce back when life gets tough. I've also learned to stand up for myself and say no (and really meaning it this time...) I've come to really appreciate the support system I have in my life. Most importantly, I've learned what true love is. Whether it be from family, friends or a significant other, unconditional love is something that you can't value until you've hit that proverbial brick wall - when it seems like you can't go anymore in any direction. When you are difficult, irrational, and so angry at the world, yet finding that someone is still there to dry your tears or simply pick up the phone when you call. And for this unconditional love, I am grateful.

With that being said, thank you 2011, for teaching me that while things can be worse, I'm still learning how to deal with unexpected circumstances. Although I will continue to question people and fall back into familiar patterns, I still have the ability to appreciate the good along with the bad, while building trust in myself and others. Lastly, I'm lucky enough to have people in my life that remind me of this and so much more, especially when I tend to forget...